


I Can't Stop Thinking About You

by alifletcher2010



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25596190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifletcher2010/pseuds/alifletcher2010
Summary: Angsty Elorcan fic based off the prompt "I can't stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you're always on my mind
Relationships: Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Finally getting back into the swing of things and updating with some of my prompt fills from tumblr

Lorcan Salvaterre hated Elide Lochan.

At first it was because she was always just there. When Rowan and Aelin found each other and became a package deal, apparently Elide was thrown in as a bonus. Because wherever her obnoxious cousin went, she did too, and she wasn’t one to just disappear into the sidelines. No, she had to worm her way into the hearts of every member of their little group, and Lorcan resented that. Resented that she always had a funny joke to tell or had no fear in putting someone in their place, resented that everyone seemed to feel the night couldn’t begin until she had arrived.

And maybe it was that resentment, that bubbling distaste for everything about her that drew him in somehow too, but then Lorcan realised he couldn’t stop noticing her, couldn’t stop noticing how every little detail about her drove him nuts.

Hated her small, knowing smile. Hated her silver tongue that could talk anyone out of trouble or into trouble. Hated her stupid intellegent mind that always seemed to be ten steps ahead of everyone else. He hated it all

Most of all, he hated that his thoughts and dreams always seemed to involve her. The softness of her alabaster skin, the scent of her silken hair, the way her dark eyes looked at him as if she could see his entire soul laid bare. The way just being near her seemed to loosen the tight bands that always seemed to be wrapped around his chest, that he truly could not breathe right unless she was there.

He hated how much he didn’t hate her.

He hated how much he loved her, knowing that he, ten years older than her with the weight of the past making him feel even older, could never be a good fit for her. That he would only be a burden will all the chains he carried around.

So instead he watched from the sidelines, hoping she was happy. It was a beautiful kind of torture, seeing her happy with other people. Even though none of them were good enough. They never seemed to actually love her, just the idea of her. They never noticed how much she longed to dance, even with her limp. They could never keep up with her wit and humor. So one by one he watched them fade away.

But tonight, the group was gathered at their local haunt, celebrating Elide’s birthday. And she had brought a new date with her, one that Lorcan had a sinking feeling was going to stick around. He watched from afar as he took her to the dance floor and took most of her weight so she could spin effortlessly and gracefully. He watched Elide smile up at him with a radiant smile that actually reached her eyes, and he knew.

He knew that he had never truly hated her until this moment. He hated that she could be happy and that he would never be a part of her story.

The first chance he got, he slipped from the bar, leaving behind enough to cover his tab and then some and stepped out into the chill air of the night. For a moment he allowed himself to look at the stars a grieve but then he squared his shoulders and walked away.

A small hand he knew better than his own caught him around the wrist and pulled him to a stop.

“Lor,” she whispered, “What’s going on? We haven’t even opened presents yet.”

She looked at him with such hopeful radiance and his heart felt so broken and hopeless that he did the most utterly and completly idiotic thing he had ever done and would ever do. He gave into that tangled mess of emotions in his heart. And he kissed her.

For a moment, the world made sense again and the weight his life seemed to lift from his shoulders. For a split second, Lorcan was happy and his heart felt as full as his arms.

But then remembered that radiant smile she had had on her face on the dancefloor, and he knew he had just done what he had told himself he would never do, he would never take away her chance to be happy.

Lorcan took an agonizing step back, his soul already mourning the loss of her in his arms. When he looked at Elide, he could barely stand the hurt and confusion he saw written across her features.

“I’m sorry,” he said horsley, every word a struggle. “I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry, that-that was… It’s just, I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you’re always on my mind…and now, now I’ve ruined it all. Just forget this. Forget it ever happened. Go, be happy.”

And before Elide could even say a word, Lorcan turned around and walked away. And then kept walking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "If you think I don’t feel anything for you, then you’re more stupid than I thought"

Elide Lochan loved Lorcan Salvaterre.

She didn’t always of course. While most of Rowan’s group of friends accepted her and Aelin with open arms, right from the very start, Lorcan had made his disdain for them both very clear. Thankfully Fenrys had urged her to pay him no mind as apparently, he didn’t really like anyone to begin with. And so she didn’t.

Or at least she tried not to.

He was always just there, a looming storm cloud that you never quite knew when it was going to let loose. For a while, she labeled him in her mind as that one friend everyone put up with but no one actually liked. Elide enjoyed every time she could file away more evidence in support of that with smirking satisfaction.

But there were those things that he did, that didn’t fit in with her mental picture of him. Like how he grounded Fenrys and acted as a buffer between the twins when things got tense. He always knew the right thing to do to help Rowan blow off some steam. Their whole group seemed to gravitate around him.

And when she started to notice those little idiosyncrasies of his, she began to notice so much more. The way he would quietly step in anytime he saw someone who needed help, never making a big deal of it, never doing it for the recognition. The way his eyes saw everything and could zero in on a problem in seconds or how he seemed to notice every little detail. How every bouncer in town seemed to breathe a little easier when he walked into a bar because anyone found taking liberties quivered under Lorcan’s gaze. That even though he wore the weight of the world on his shoulders, he looked so much younger, so much happier when he smiled. And that even though he never danced, when the right music came on he seemed to come alive again, the spark returning to his eyes

She realized he was nothing like how she thought he was and somewhere, somehow, she had lost her heart to the brewing storm that was Lorcan Salvaterre.

The hardest thing was accepting he could never love her back.

He’d never shown the slightest interest in anyone, let alone her. He preferred to be alone, no matter how much she wanted to show him he didn’t have to be, and Elide knew she had to accept that. Knew that she couldn’t fix him, couldn’t make him see what she did, only he could. Knew that he would never be the one to dance with her. So she contented herself with being near him, eking out as many smiles from him as she could, filing them away in her heart as her most prized possessions.

And she tried to move on. Unsuccessfully at first. No one seemed to understand her, let alone hold a candle to Lorcan. That is until she met Wes. He saw her, got her. And finally Elide felt her heart heal and slowly move on. And finally she was happy.

Until her birthday party and that stupid kiss.

It was nothing compared to any kiss she had ever had before. And Lorcan’s declaration afterward…it made any other claim of love seem insignificant. After that, she tried, she really did, to love Wes as she had, to stay with him as it was only fair. But every touch felt like sandpaper, every kiss tasted like ash, even his scent was wrong.

It was all wrong, and Elide hated Lorcan for it, for the impossible situation he had put her in.

She hated him for loving her. She hated herself for loving him still, even when he had ruined everything, for turning her into a shade of the woman she had once been, for craving the touch of a man she wasn’t with.

So a month later, when she walked into her apartment to find Wes with her neighbor, she wasn’t surprised. Hurt yes, angry, absolutely. But not surprised. Who would have wanted to be with someone who couldn’t give their whole self anyway?

After a heated argument and a slammed door, Elide found herself alone in her apartment, the remnants of her ruined relationship still echoing throughout the space. She couldn’t cry though, the sadness wouldn’t come, but anger did, and the yearning to yell and rage and beat her fists against her table till they bled. Before she could even think, Elide was scooping up her keys and storming out of her apartment, not thinking about where she was going but needing to move, to burn away the white hot rage in her soul.

At first she walked, uncaring where her feet took her, but that wasn’t enough to make her forget the ache in her chest. So she moved faster until she was running, the sharp pain of each intake of breath relieving the pain in her soul. And she ran and ran and ran until she couldn’t take another step.

When she arrived, she wasn’t surprised her feet had subconsciously taken her here. Before she lost the destructive rage, before she could think, she knocked in the door in front of her, and when it opened, she just let the words spill out of her.

“How could you?” she demanded. “How could you do that to me? I was happy. I was FINALLY happy and you ruined it all with one little kiss. After that…I couldn’t be happy anymore with him and it was all because of you!!”

Elide didn’t care that she was yelling, didn’t care that the pale face of Lorcan Salvaterre looked at her with more emotions than she had ever seen on his face before. Didn’t care an ounce as she stepped deeper into his apartment and threw all the agony in her would at his feet. She just needed to get this ache out of her chest, needed to throw all her pain at someone else.

“I HATE YOU!” she yelled. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

She punctuated each declaration with the pounding of her fists against his chest. Lorcan didn’t move, didn’t stop her, but took it all, took everything she threw at him. Elide’s words became incomprehensible and without realizing it the tears finally began to fall and the rage went out of her. Only then did Lorcan move. Tentatively, as if approaching a wild animal, he moved to wrap his arms around her, to pull her close to his chest and let her soak his shirt with her tears, as he

“He cheated on me,” she stuttered. “And even though it hurt and I wanted to claw his eyes out…I was also relieved. How sick is that? I was relieved to have an out.”

Elide buried her face in his chest, breathing in the scent that had haunted her dreams for a month now, and whispered the words that she tried to hide away deep in her soul. “If you think I don’t feel anything for you, then you’re more stupid than I thought, Lorcan Salvaterre. Because I don’t hate you…not really. I’m still livid with you. But Lorcan, I love you. I have fo-

“Shhh.” Lorcan pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Not now. There will be time for all that later. Just…just let me hold you for a moment.”

Elide wound her arms tight around his neck and pulled in close. He was right. She was too raw to delve into her feelings now, but the feel of his arms around her soothed her bruised soul.

Lorcan began to hum something indistinguishable and pulled her on top of his feet and swaying ever so slightly. They were…dancing. “I’ve waited too long to do this,” he whispered gently against her hair.

Being held like this by anyone else hadn’t ever felt this right. There was still hurt for them to wade through and words that needed to be spoken, but there, in Lorcan’s kitchen, Elide began to hope and he held her close and they finally danced together.


End file.
